My next door neighbor just confronted me about missing items from her washing line. I nearly crapped her pants.

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I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?" I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

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A man on the bus says to a woman in front of him, "Excuse me, I think you have semen on the back of your jacket."

The woman says, "Um, no, it must be yogurt."

The man replies, "No, it's definitely semen. I don't ejaculate yogurt."

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I just found a whip, a mask, and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom. I can't believe it, she's a superhero!

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A man was called into his boss' office. His boss, sitting behind his desk, looked at the man and said, "I think you should divorce your wife." "I couldn't do that, sir," said the man. "I love her with all my heart." "That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard," said his wife from beneath the desk.

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