MY PERSONAL WORTH OR HOW I RAN UP THE NATIONAL DEBT ALL BY MYSELF
I spent too much money this month. I bought things I didn't really need and paid hunks of money down on my credit card bills. Too much. I figured by sending them more money than I usually do, my debt would drop and I'd be out of hock, at least for a little while.
I pay no attention to the interest rates on my credit cards. I know I should but I don't. I looked at the interest rate on my American Express card and dialed 911. I won’t know what those interest rates are on the rest of my cards until I get the statements next month. I call the card companies to find out what my balance is and get a little nervous if it hasn't dropped as much as I think it has.
This month I went berserk. I paid way too much money on those cards in order to reduce my debt. I'm lousy at math. In my mind, I figured I had enough pocket change to cover those payments. Now I'm looking at my bank statement and see that I have just enough money to buy a stalk of celery and a can of soup.
A bunch of what I've spent is because I did something stupid and injured my back. I spent oodles of noodles on physical therapy, clinical massage, and yin yoga, which, by the way, has alleviated the severe pain in my ass. My massage therapist also has me standing up straighter with my chest out so I'm not bent over like a peasant in the Balkans schlepping a bale of hay on my back.
Doing stupid things, like calculating my personal worth in my head without having a clue of how to do it, and buying things, not because I need them, but because I think I can afford them, gradually reduces my bank account to the point where I'm going through a Mason jar full of spare change just to scrounge up enough heavy metal to put gas in my car.
Spending money I don't have is in my DNA. Sometimes I do it to feel good about myself, to feel my imaginary wealth exercising its imaginary muscle. I thought I was doing the right thing, reducing my debt, but at the same time the kid inside me was running up a tab at the toy store. I'll starve and go unclothed next month. That might help. I only hope that it's not imaginary like my personal worth is.